The 12 Step Journey – An Historical Perspective 

by Fr. Bill W.

Step Eight: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Step Nine: “Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Every once in a while another little piece of God's truth seems to jump out from the pages of our recovery literature and hit me right between the eyes. I might have read the same words a hundred times before the epiphany occurs - but then, in God's good time, my mind is finally ready to absorb another part of his amazing message. That's exactly what happened to me recently when reading Step Eight in Bill Wilson's book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Here's what hit me: "Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one."

Read the underlined part of that quote one more time. That was the part that hit me. Could defective relations with human beings really lie at the heart of all my problems, including my alcoholism? Steps Eight and Nine were never my favorite Steps; but then, relating to people, especially relating to them rightly, was never my strong suit either! Maybe Wilson was really on to something here!

Remember, the whole purpose of working the Steps is to produce in us a spiritual awakening. This awakening, we are told, is absolutely necessary for us to overcome addiction.  It must be obtained at all cost and we must be willing to go to any length to achieve it. Some people call this awakening “a conversion experience,” others refer to it as  “a personality or psychic change,” still others, “a shift in consciousness.” Whatever it's called, at its root, it entails the transformation of the alcoholic/addict away from an inflated ego state - prideful and isolated – into an ego-deflated state; a new state of consciousness that is humble, teachable and now living, one day at a time, and in right relationship with God, with self, and with others. 

In Steps Eight and Nine we begin to bring our newly emerging self into this right relationship with those we have harmed in our lives. We are directed to list those people’s names. Once we begin to examine the list with the purpose of making amends for our past wrongs, we'll probably meet our ego in its full force. The ego's position as master and ruler of our lives is now being seriously threatened. Be prepared for some heavy resistance on this one. In fact, be prepared for some genuine spiritual warfare! Our egos will say to us, "Don't look backwards. Just forget about those people and forget about the wrongs you did to them. What good can possibly come from digging up your past?" We'll also hear our egos scream, "What about all the wrongs they did too. Hell, they should be the ones making amends to you!"

Dr. Bob, along with a great many other alcoholics and addicts, stumbled badly on making amends. Bob had received the recovery message Bill Wilson brought him and stayed sober for several weeks, but he tried doing it without making his amends. He hoped he could stay sober without this seemingly extreme exercise in humility. Bob learned the hard way that he could not. He got drunk. June 10th, 1935 is the official birthday of AA because it was the day Dr. Bob swallowed his last drink. It is, not coincidentally, also the day that Dr. Bob finally swallowed his pride, put his own medical practice at risk, and made amends to the people in Akron, Ohio that he had harmed.

Clearing away the wreckage of our past is scary business; but like Wilson wrote, "…no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one." Going through the process of becoming willing to work this Step will likely drive us further and further into the arms of God and into the arms of our newly found friends and sponsors in sobriety. Those are exactly the right relationships we so sorely need. A huge chunk of the needed spiritual awakening will come into our lives as we overcome the power of the ego through God's grace and face the truth of just how twisted some of our relationships have been – and how we had wronged so many of the people in our lives.

Sam Shoemaker was an Episcopal priest and the one Wilson credited with teaching him all of the spiritual principles that underlie the 12 Steps. Listen to what Shoemaker has to say on this business of relationships: "I want to remind you that our experience of God is all bound up inextricably with our human relationships. 'If a man loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he hasn't seen?' (and) 'If you bring your gift to the alter, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, first go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.' It is idle (foolish) for us to try to be in touch with God, or keep in touch with Him, so long as there are human relationships which must be righted at the same time."

Being rightly related to others is the hard work of Steps 8 and 9 – and while it may be hard, it beats the hell out of having to go back to Step One and starting our recovery all over again! Thanks, Dr. Bob, for taking that drink for all of us!