The 12 Step Journey – An Historical & Personal Perspective by Fr. Bill W.

Step V: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Bill Wilson claimed full authorship for the 1st and 12th Steps of the A.A. Program; but he always credited Rev. Sam Shoemaker, an Episcopal priest and leader of the Oxford Group in the United States, with teaching him the Oxford Group principles that constituted the other ten. Wilson wrote, “Where did the early AA’s find the material for the remaining ten steps? Where did we learn about moral inventory, amends for harm done, turning our wills and our lives over to God? Where did we learn about meditation and prayer and all the rest of it? The spiritual substance of our remaining ten Steps came straight from Dr. Bob’s and my own earlier association with the Oxford Groups, as they were then led in America by that Episcopal rector, Dr. Samuel Shoemaker.” (Bill Wilson, The Language of the Heart, p. 298)

Shoemaker, like most other Oxford Group leaders, leaned heavily on the New Testament’s Letter of James to find a practical and effective spirituality that changed his life, along with the lives of so many alcoholics and others. This is particularly true when it comes to Step Five. There, he often quoted James 5:16: “... confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.”

In writing about his own “Fifth Step” experience Shoemaker wrote that he, “... found it necessary to go to someone I could trust, and make a clean breast of my sins.” (Shoemaker, Confident Faith, p. 41) Once before, I had approached A.A. but had never made an attempt at rigorous honesty and never made it as far as Step Five. (Needless to say, I got drunk. Go figure!) Following my two-year relapse, I knew I had to do a thorough and honest Fifth Step if I wanted to stay sober.

When I finally finished taking this Step with my sponsor nearly forty years ago, Floyd said words that I’ve never forgotten. He said, "Bill, welcome to the human race!" Like most of the spiritual truths I heard in early recovery, it took a while for the depth of Floyd’s wisdom to sink in. Up until that day in my life, no other person on earth really knew me. There were secrets and shames that I was planning to take with me to the grave. But as my alcoholism brought that date with the grave closer and closer, I decided I really wanted to live.

When all’s been said and done, recovery is about healing the broken relationships in our lives - and this Step rightly identifies the three primary relationships we are so desperately in need of healing. Being human, unlike being a kangaroo, means we actually have a relationship with our selves. We are the only creatures on earth able to stand outside of our selves and look inward. Consciousness, it seems, is both a blessing and a curse. As addicts, what we see at first is usually not a pretty sight and we are often merciless in our own self-judgment and condemnation. I know I was. I remember being asked in early recovery what I would do to anyone who said to me the things I’d been saying to me about my self. My response was immediate: "I'd kill the son of a ....!" Well that, of course, is exactly what I’d been doing in my addiction! Killing my “self” with alcohol and with drugs. As I took Step Five with my self, I began to let go of this “false self” this “ego self” I’d been trying to kill and I began both finding and forgiving my “true self.” That journey of discovering who I really am has continued now for nearly forty years.Admitting the truth of our brokenness to God is the second important relationship that needs to be healed. Please don't just give lip service to this part of the Step or hurry through it tossing off a quick thought or a prayer. Find a quiet place and slowly review your Fourth Step with your own Creator. This is a vital part of finding “conscious contact with God” and to a realized experience of the spiritual awakening that is so necessary to recovery from addiction. If your god won't forgive you, fire him or her on the spot and go find the One Sam Shoemaker found who promises us that he will. As that same Letter of James encourages: “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”

Now we move on to what is perhaps the toughest part of Step Five; spilling our guts with that one “other human being.” Here again I was blessed with some great wisdom from the man who heard my Fifth Step. Floyd started off by letting me know that he wasn’t there to forgive me. That simply wasn’t his job – after all, he reminded me, my past behavior hadn’t hurt him in the least. The forgiveness I needed had to come from God and from myself and, if fortunate, then maybe, in time, it would also come from the people I had harmed. But if he wasn’t there to forgive me, what was he there to do? Floyd said, “I’m here to accept you – accept you unconditionally.” He told me that he was that “one other human being” the Program said I needed and that he was, in fact, “sitting in” as the representative of the whole human race; unfortunately, he told me, everybody in the world couldn’t make it that Saturday afternoon but he had somehow been chosen to represent them all!

After I shared all my “stuff” it was indeed his full acceptance of me and of all of my brokenness that I felt and have never forgotten. For the first time in my life, someone knew me – knew all of me. One other human being knew all my secrets and fears and loved me - not in spite of them but because of them. I believe that was the day I really joined A.A.; that was also the day I re-joined the human race.

Thank you Floyd! You’ve now gone on to the big, open meeting in the sky; but I’m forever grateful to you and to Sam, and to Bill and to Dr. Bob, and to all those who have guided me and loved me as I’ve continued to recover and trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

About the Author:

Fr. Bill W. is Chaplain at Austin Recovery. Send comments, questions, speaking requests, or treatment scholarship donations to: Fr. Bill W. /Austin Recovery / 8402 Cross Park Dr. / Austin, Texas 78754 or email: BillW@AustinRecovery.org