THE GIRL IN THE GLASS
author unknown

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you queen for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what THAT girl has to say.

For it isn’t your partner or family or friend
Who judgment upon you must pass;
The girl whose verdict counts most in the end
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people may think you a straight-shootin’ chum
And call you a person of place
But the girl in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look her straight in the face.

She’s the girl to please, never mind all the rest
For she’s with you clear up to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the girl in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the girl in the glass.

Dear AR Staff and Board,

David is doing well. It has been a month since he left Austin Recovery and we could not have hoped for the change he has made. His attitude is great, despite continued legal woes, and he has goals for the future. As I mentioned before, he was not the model “student” at Austin Recovery, but through his experience, he has learned so much. He is now reaching out to friends from Austin Recovery and trying to help them with living and work arrangements. As you know, when you reach out to help others, you help yourself in the process.

We are so thankful to have our David back. It’s still day to day, but we have waited eleven years to get to this point…

With gratitude,

David’s loving mom

Families of clients in our Journey program (minimum 90 days) are given a book titled, Rewriting Life Scripts: Transformational Recovery for Families of Addicts. It was written by Nancy Oelklaus, Ed.D., Irene Watson, MA, and Liliane Desjardins, LCAS, to provide a treatment approach that embraces the whole family.  

We provide it for families because it’s not just the alcoholic or addict who changes in the healing and recovery process. In one sense, alcoholics and addicts are the fortunate ones, because in rehab or treatment they have help learning a new way of life. They learn new patterns, new thoughts, new behaviors and how to accept change. But what about the other members of the family? Many of them believe the addict is the problem and do nothing about their own habits of mind or heart and continue to live in resentment, anger and fear. They continue to feed their own stress level and shorten their lives in a way that’s very different from an addict — yet, on another level, remarkably similar.

Rewriting Life Scripts contains information, explanation and processes for change. Real life examples and stories of success from real people who have “been there and done that” provide strength and hope. We hope following the steps outlined in this book will bring peace of mind, forgiveness, reconciliation and a happier life…or at least be the first step in bringing the entire family to a better, happier place.

You don’t have to be in treatment to receive or benefit from this book. You can also order it at this site: http://rewritinglifescripts.com/book-rewriting-life-scripts/

I was not going to Austin Recovery to change my life; I was simply going to AR to hide, clean up and run. I made no phone call prior, I just showed up and told the administrator that if I left that day without help, I would die. I was desperate, in a black-out from months of drug use — the walking dead.

I had been using pain medication on this relapse in such large doses that my detox was hell on earth, even with the help of medication and the Austin Recovery staff. But they got me through it. I remember getting to the Women’s Residential section to begin my real treatment (after detox) wondering if I would ever sleep again, would ever smile again, would ever feel again; I was quite certain that I had done so many bad things to my mind and body that I needed to spend the rest of my days in the State Hospital. I think for the first few day the staff may have wondered as well.

And then something began to happen; mind you — this was a process, not a burning bush revelation. I was introduced to two key people I am convinced were placed on my path by God Himself — a psychologist ( a gentle giant of a man) and an angelic woman certified in breathworks — or musical journey. Between these two, I started the real healing process from the inside out. Here I was, 48 years old and had been to “the best” treatment center in the United States — twice. I could teach a class on this disease and the specifics of the addition process, but I for the life of me needed to find a way to heal the pain that was the source of my addiction.

First of all, the psychologist helped me see that I was a helpless child growing up; a child that needed and craved attention, so being perfect seemed like the only solution. No wonder I was exhausted. Enter musical journey; I will never forget that morning — ever. The process was explained to us before the beginning of class, and I was terrified that I would recall memories from trauma that were blocked out. I was reassured that the mind does not recall anything we are not ready or able to handle.

I broke during this hour. Quite literally, broke open. That mask of perfection I had worn for so many years and altered to so many situations, cracked. And guess what — the light began to shine through. I felt both physically and mentally lighter after just one hour of work (now mind you, this was not an easy hour) and memories from years stuffed down began to resurface. Not just bad memories, but really wonderful experiences as well. The facilitator honored me by gently helping me know that I was safe. Safe. A word I had not spoken or allowed my psyche to feel since before I was six-years-old. And this was just one class — rather weekly.

Yet you don’t leave musical journey and just trudge on with all of these raw emotions — you go to a process group and a counselor assists you in so many of the feelings that have come to the surface. That safety net continues to grow, and for the first time in years I realized the importance of allowing others to help. I also understand how important it is that I share my story. The same story I was so ashamed of for so long but have learned to embrace because of this program.

I left Austin Recovery with many challenges, as so many of us do. Yet because I finally understood that asking for help was not going to kill me — or that I was a failure — I have many miracles in my life today. I am a success story today. I have a great job in the field I love, I work with a sponsor, go to meetings and I talk openly about my relapse without the shame I have always associated with this disease. The most important thing I learned at Austin Recovery is this:  The only shame in this disease is if I allow myself to remain stuck. I have to keep moving, keep learning and growing, but most of all, I have to continue the spiritual journey that was so freely given to me by the women at Austin Recovery. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And then I have to give it back to someone else.

Carol –

IMAGO by Heather N.

.

Dumbells, push-ups, running in the rain.

Crying, screaming, pills & pain.

Measure my waist & step on the scale.

I look in the mirror: my face is going pale.

.

Starving, dizziness, falling down dead.

Can’t think. Can’t sleep. Can’t go to bed.

My eyes are sinking. My bones protruding.

But I keep on smiling before concern starts speaking.

.

Cut out more calories & all of my friends,

Because it will be here ’til the very end.

I don’t deserve happiness or feeling safe.

So here I stay, stuck with “it,” in a scared place.

.

A pounding heart, a purge with blood,

A loss of hair, a loss of love.

“It” reminds me I’m worthless.

And will never be perfect.

“It’s” a jealous lover, I know,

But for some reason, I just can’t let it go.

.

So I try to numb out by drinking & snorting,

Hurting & cutting.

Yet I hide the scars & tear-stained cheeks,

Turning my emotions into valleys & peaks.

.

Stumbling homeless through the streets late at night,

Strangers, drugs & a constant fight.

I blame “it” on my childhood or anyone at all.

Everyone except me & thus the deeper I fall.

.

Shaking in the morning, drunk by day,

And I ask myself, How’d my youth slip away?

Lonely & sad, desperate & half dead,

I look at my life: there’s nothing left, because I did what “it” said.

I remember I had dreams before “it” came over and in.

How do I get them back & not let “it” win?

.

I thought “it;” “It” this addiction was all I am & all I had.

I thought this addiction was going to keep me from hurting & feeling so bad.

But all you did was lie to me & set me up to fail,

Leaving me to slowly die, in my own prison cell.

.

I thought you said with you, I’d never feel alone.

But everyone is gone, just keep hanging up the phone.

You told me I would be invincible & never have to feel.

But I am powerless over you, praying & hoping to heal.

.

I know now I deserve love & joy & to feel truly safe.

I don’t need your lie anymore that my life is just a waste.

.

Maybe in the past I have lost some battles before,

But all that matters now, is that I have not lost the war.

I am worth my life, I am worth my recovery, I am worth it all.

And with God by my side, even when I’m weak, I will never fall.

.

You once took away my heart & soul & made me go insane.

But I am NOT my addiction. That is NOT my name.

So without you now, I’m beautiful, happy & free.

I’m a precious creation of God, that which I can finally see.

.

So thank you for your time, but I don’t need you anymore.

It’s not you, it’s me, so beat it now & don’t forget,

when you leave…

shut the f-ing door.

4 May 2010

Lots of folks at Austin Recovery are looking forward to the (NBC) premiere of Friday Night Lights. In addition to being an incredibly addicting show, one of the characters this season is battling an addiction of her own.

Angela Rawna (raw-NAY) plays Regina Howard, the mom of an East Dillon football player. To prepare for the role, Angela called Austin Recovery and asked to do research on addiction and rehab. She spent countless hours with staff soaking up information on addicts and alcoholics, absolutely committed to understanding the battle addicts face both when using and when trying to get clean.

To give her a better feel of what it’s really like on the streets, one of our employees adopted her and took her around town to show her where she used to hang out, how she acted, what was important to her when she was using and what happened at Austin Recovery to finally help her stay clean. 

My Direct TV friends (smug as they are) tell me she nailed it, which is a surprise to no one. Angela was deeply moved by the impact this disease has on individuals and their families. Her compassion for and determination to get the character right mirrors the compassion we have for our clients and the treatment we provide. 

Regina Howard doesn’t make an appearance until the second episode, but the buzz in the office is building. We wish the best for Regina, but we appreciate the dedication and friendship of Angela Rawna even more. It’s going to be a great season!

If you haven’t been a fan, rent the DVDs and catch up. Either way, the new season starts at 7 p.m. CST Friday NBC. By the way, keep your eyes open for other Austin Recovery “actors” throughout the season. Tammy Lusk makes a cameo as a fan in the stands and board member Steve Hicks and his wife Donna Stockton-Hicks play the parents of another player on senior day. If you’re quick, you might even catch Ofelia Taylor’s son marching in the Dillon band.

Read more about Angela Rawna and her research on drugs and addiction in Dale Roe’s Austin American Statesman column. But more importantly, tune in. You won’t be sorry!

Ladies and Gentlemen: set your DVRs! “When Love Is Not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story” will be on CBS, April 25.

It’s based on the true story of the love between Lois Wilson, co-founder of Al-Anon Family Groups and Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Telling the intimate journey of the impact of alcohol addiction on their lives as partners and as individuals, including the complex implications of sobriety and recovery on the marriage and family, the film stars Wynona Ryder and Barry Pepper. Airing Sunday, April 25th at 9 pm/8 pm (ET/CT) on CBS-TV.

Three years ago, Bill Wigmore — the CEO and President of Austin Recovery drug and alcohol rehab center — was ordained as an Episcopal priest to help those in treatment and recovery. To focus on his calling, he recently asked the board of directors for a new role as director of chaplaincy services. After 16 years in the same job, who can blame him for wanting a new role?! The board accepted his request and has started a national search for a new CEO. You often read about people reinventing themselves after long careers in a particular field. I think it’s pretty cool that Bill is reinventing himself within the same industry and the board of directors is completely supportive. It’s just one more thing I love about Austin Recovery.

Bill wrote an article about his decision to follow his new dream. Take a look below or click on the link…

From April edition of Recovery Today:

When I landed in treatment many years ago, one of our first assignments was to write our own obituary and read it to the members of our group. The exercise was meant to shock our inflated-alcoholic-egos with their near universal tendency to think of ourselves as being so very special, perhaps nearly “god-like” and therefore “indestructible.” It was also meant to help us sort out the things in life that are really important to us and for which we would want to be remembered. Nearly 40 years later, some of those same feelings came back to me as I sat down to write this month’s article.

God willing, I’ll reach age sixty-five later this year; and while I hope to enjoy quite a few more 24-hours before visiting the undertaker, I know that after sixteen years at the helm of Austin Recovery, the time is right to step down as President and CEO. In India, after a man has performed most of his life’s work, mastered a trade or profession and raised his family, he’s then encouraged to become what they call “a forest dweller.” It’s an opportunity to go into the forest and focus on the deeper meaning of things without all the daily distractions that forever keep us from finding what our lives are really all about.

When I announced my decision to my volunteer board of directors late last year, I asked them if I might stay on in the “Austin Recovery Forest,” perhaps in the role of chaplain and community representative where I wouldn’t have to worry so much about business and finance, and all the personnel and treatment issues that naturally go along with running an agency this size. When they knew I was serious they finally agreed; but only on the condition that I help them in the search for my replacement.  So you can see what I’m up against in this job; the work is simply never done!

But since I’ve been writing this monthly article for Recovery Today for several years now, and since my board has encouraged me to continue writing my monthly column, I thought I might ask you readers for some help. Perhaps you, or someone you know, is ready for my job.  If you do know such a woman or man, would you please help us find them? Austin Recovery’s been helping men and women find new and sober lives since 1967 and now it needs the right leadership to help guide it for many more years to come.  This is not just another treatment center and we’re looking for someone who will make a real difference. Here are just a few of the things the successful candidate will find waiting at AR:

An agency committed to providing working families with truly affordable and quality care – (Thirty days of residential treatment is priced at just over $5,000.)

A staff of nearly 140 dedicated men and women, delivering some of the most compassionate and effective treatment in our field -

A program solidly rooted in the 12-Step philosophy of Alcoholics Anonymous using both evidence based and cutting-edge, experience-based treatment models -

A 21-member board of directors that fully supports us in our mission – (Our board donated over $3 million to our recent Capital Campaign. Go team!)

A 28-bed detox unit with round-the-clock nursing staff and a board-certified addictionolgist as our Medical Director -

One of the few treatment programs that allows women to bring their children with them into treatment at our Family House -

Four beautiful Austin campuses spread out over more than 60-acres – all with gender specific treatment – (Take a virtual tour on our web site.)

Over 2,000 clients that come to us each year from throughout Texas and are now finding their way to us from California to New York -

Click through for a full CEO position description with all the bells and whistles and who to contact. Please help us find the right woman or man for this unique and very important position. Like most things in life, we’ll try our best to find him or her; but in the end, it’ll probably turn out to be “a God thing.” Meanwhile, I’ll continue to keep watch here at the helm until my relief comes – but I’m keeping my loin cloth in my pocket and my eye on the forest too.  God Speed!

Russ mentioned some books in the workshop that deal with rituals, rites of passage, and quests for meaning, sobriety and recovery. I’m passing the titles and authors along (in no particular order)…

Bill Plotkin: Nature and the Human Soul and Soulcraft

Richard Rohr: Quest for the Grail, The Naked Now and Adam’s Return: the Five Promises of Male Initiation

Malidoma Patrice Some’: Of Water and the Spirit

Edward Tick, Ph.D: War and the Soul

Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D: Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men

David Whyte: Fire in the Earth (poems)

Did you catch Russ Adams’ Second Saturday workshop on rituals and rites of passages for men in recovery? It was awesome! I’ve been to a lot of these and found them interesting, but this time I couldn’t take notes fast enough.

Russ has studied rituals for a long time. He talked about communities that understand the importance of rituals as a way to pass life skills and life info to younger generations. He talked about what those rituals were and how having men pass the information along to boys gave them an understanding of their place in the world…leading to less alcoholism, drug addiction and need for treatment.

If you ever have a chance to participate in one of the workshops or rituals presented by Russ, take him up on it. Austin Recovery uses rituals, like drum circles and voluntary sweat lodges, in their experience-based treatment to help us better understand what they’re talking about in treatment and in the 12-Steps. In fact, the alumni group has a drum circle the last Saturday of every month for those in recovery or involved in the AA community. Check it out… Austin Recovery Alumni Drum Circle.